I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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