its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
