Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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