My cat gives me a boner
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
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