I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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