hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
