you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
