Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
