she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
