I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
