i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
