I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
