You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
