Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
