I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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