You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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