Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
