you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize