wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
