Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
