I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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