Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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