Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
