Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
