i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
