I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize