i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
