im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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