oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize