Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
