So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
