I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
