Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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