That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize