just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
