I wish I only lived at night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
