Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
