I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
