i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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