You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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