As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
