The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
