last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
