Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
