FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
