Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
