It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize