Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
