Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
