true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
