Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
