Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
