Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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