This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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