Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
