just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm having to shit out rocks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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