I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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