SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
