he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
