WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
