Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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