so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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