Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
