What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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