i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
