I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
