I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
