At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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