Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
