dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
