My nipple is on Facebook.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
