i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
