Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
