just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
