im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
