Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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