I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
