so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
