I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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