honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
