I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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