3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
