The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
