just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize