Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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