are you so shy because you have an std?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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