lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
