Four minutes until I can fart!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
