Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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