oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
