I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
