my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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