College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
