So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
