I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
