How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
