i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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